The Purpose of Porpoises

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books, Flash Fiction, Larus Series, writing

Another wander into the slightly odd world of Larus, and we find the Reverend Pontius in need of a holiday…

The Purpose of Porpoises

The Reverend Pontius was searching for something, and that something, he realised with a twinge of guilt, was an excuse.

‘What I am seeking,’ he said aloud, ‘is an excuse for a day off.’ There, it was out, and no less shocking for there being no-one else to hear it.

The guilty words reverberated round the chapel rafters. There is nothing quite like an echo for emphasising something shameful. And shameful it was. Day off, indeed! Pontius looked at his shoes. The buckles, not quite silver, had been a gift from the people of the isle in grateful recognition of his years of service. He had tried to make himself useful, and had clearly succeeded. Yet here he was looking for an excuse to spend a day doing nothing useful at all.

Pontius tried to distract himself. ‘I should read an improving book,’ he said aloud, letting those words rattle round the rafters, too. ‘If only I had one,’ he added, under his breath.

But he did have a copy of the Olde Salte’s Guide to the Worlde. It was a strange book, a sort of seagoing encyclopaedia, though most of its pearls of wisdom were buried pretty deep. Pontius sat before it and opened it at random. The spirits will guide me to the right page, he thought, and bring me enlightenment. He peered short-sightedly at the book with its antique script and unpredictable spelling:

‘Porpoise Day,’ he read aloud, ‘according to ancient fishing peoples, this be a holiday that may be called on any day of the year for any porpoise whatsoever.’

Was porpoise an ancient spelling for purpose, Pontius wondered? But no, there it was, in black and white: porpoise. Porpoise the sea-creature not purpose the intention. Whatever it had originally meant, it would be very acceptable to an island full of fisherfolk and he saw himself calling such holidays with a perfectly clear conscience. ‘I shall use it sparingly, of course,’ he murmured. ‘For emergency porpoises only.’

If you like this story, and would like to meet the Reverend Pontius again, you can find out more about him in my novella Call of the Merry Isle, available at www.veneficiapublications.com and now available in ebook format from Amazon.

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Introducing the Larus Series

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books, Flash Fiction, Larus Series

Today’s offering is a brand new little story featuring the Reverend Pontius, one of my endearing Larus Series characters:

Mothballed

‘Ah, this oppressive heat!’ said the Reverend Pontius, fanning himself with his hat. It was a moment before he realised he was not wearing his hat and was actually fanning himself with his wig.

He didn’t often bother with the wig, saving it for Sunday sermons and special occasions. But today was Sunday and there was the wig. His own hair, rather sparse these days, was damp with the heat and his scalp prickled as it dried. The Reverend stepped into the shade of a stone wall and regarded the wig doubtfully. It was of a very old-fashioned style, and looking a little moth-eaten these days, but it did add a certain gravitas to his sermons. Or, rather, he hoped it did. Would it be acceptable to leave it off, he wondered, at least until the weather should break? He looked up, hoping for a hint of a distant storm-cloud, but the sky remained obstinately blue from horizon to horizon. Very inconsiderate of it, the Reverend thought, mopping his brow with a handkerchief. Why was there never a convenient cloud when you needed one?

He thrust his hands into his coat pockets in annoyance, and found, in each, a mothball. How did they get there? The Reverend did not know, but surely, nay certainly, this was a clear sign from the Spirit of the Sky. Wigs were best kept for winter and should be safely mothballed at this season!

The Reverend tied knots at the four corners of his handkerchief and put it on his head against the sun. Then he tossed the mothballs into the upturned wig and set off for the chapel. He would fill the wig with healthy, preservative camphor against the moths! Whether those in the front two rows at his future sermons would be similarly enthusiastic when the wig surfaced again remained to be seen.

If you like this story, and would like to meet the Reverend Pontius again, you can find out more about him in my novella Call of the Merry Isle, available at www.veneficiapublications.com

The Writer and… Entertainment

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books, Entertainment, writing

Entertainment. As a writer, I often forget the fact that I’m in the entertainment business. But unless you work in the highest level of literary writing, which is in a world of its own, it is a good idea to keep it in mind. Entertainment takes many forms, of course; whether it makes you laugh, cry or experience a moment of jaw-dropping horror, entertainment takes you out of the real world for a while. That’s why we enjoy it, and why we come back for more.

I was thinking about all this while I was putting together some of my books for a display, shared with other writers, in one of the local libraries. We are all in the story-telling business, I thought, but entertainment isn’t a factor often mentioned in the writers’ groups I attend.

Is it because we think, deep down, that mere entertainment isn’t serious enough for us? Or are we simply too engrossed in our own created worlds to pay attention to it? Maybe. At the other extreme, are we so lacking in self-confidence that we dare not ask if our writing entertains others – in case we don’t like the answer?

I think it’s a question worth asking. I’m the first to admit that assessing the entertainment value of your own writing is fiendishly difficult. But you can assess what you find entertaining in other peoples’ work. Is it humour? Action? Romance? Beautiful writing? Erudition? And then ask why. It isn’t an easy question to answer, but thinking it through can give you some insight into what others might enjoy – and this might help you to identify the entertainment value in your own writing.

If our books don’t sell it’s almost traditional, now, to blame ‘lack of exposure’, big publishers getting all the attention, and other factors beyond our control. But perhaps our books simply aren’t entertaining enough. If, after due consideration, you think your book does pass the entertainment test, then you need to say so, in your blurbs and advertising material.

I made a start by shoe-horning the phrase rattling good entertainment into the description of my books for the display. It may only be seen by a few passing library-goers, but it’s a reminder to me to keep both the idea and the word in mind in future. I am in the entertainment business, after all!

My entertaining novella, Call of the Merry Isle, is available at www.veneficiapublications.com

The Writer and…AI Art

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artificial intelligence, Artwork, books, illustration, self-publishing, writing

Artificial Intelligence. Now what do I know about that? Not a great deal, I admit. When I was younger I loved new technology and couldn’t wait to find out how it worked. These days, I confess, technological progress is more likely to induce a sigh: yet another new thing to learn. Despite this, my eye was caught by a post from a writer friend. She had been trying out art produced via AI with a view to using it as a book cover.

Automatic artwork! As a writer, I was intrigued; as an artist I was mildly horrified. So I read on. My friend had been using Midjourney, part of an ongoing AI research project, and I have to say the result was quite impressive. Access to it is free, at least to be begin with, too. It works by the user giving it an instruction in the form of a short sentence describing the required artwork, and anyone can have 25 goes for nothing. After that, you would need to pay for access. Obviously there is a degree of skill in wording your instruction sentence in order to get the result you want, and, interestingly, you specify anything you don’t want, too.

Some of the results you can look at on the site are remarkable, Dali-esque, almost unimaginable, and there are numerous controls to modify the appearance of your artwork. It’s probably fair to say that unless you know what you’re doing, you’d need your 25 free goes to get reasonably good at it, and you need to have some grip on concepts like aspect ratios, too. But oh, the possibilities for the self-publisher (or the small publisher) seeking unique artwork for their book covers!

It certainly makes the current usual method of slogging through online image sites looking for something to suit your work seem decidedly old-fashioned. I doubt if it quite beats commissioning an artist to create something to order – but if your budget doesn’t stretch to that, or you’re willing to learn to use this sort of technology, the future beckons.

If I don’t try it myself (and I’m tempted) it’s largely because it means more screentime for my less than perfect eyes, but if anyone has tried AI art, I’d love to know how you got on, and what you think of the results.

The artwork for my new novella Call of the Merry Isle was provided by my lovely publisher Veneficia Publications and the book is available at www.veneficiapublications.com